(…if anyone is going to still read this…) I’m sorry to have neglected this blog for so long and leave you hanging… and partly because I pay a decent amount to just leave it idle, haha. I have been stuck with terrible writer’s block lately, struggling super hard with what to write about. I have come up with a couple ideas and started working with them, so hopefully I’ll be back to posting regularly soon. In the meantime, I don’t want to talk too much about myself; I want to share two writings by my beloved Sean William Michael (and for comedic relief at the end, my NSFW refrigerator “poetry.”)
Some Poetry by Sean William Michael
The other day while cleaning up, I came across a small journal. I have a bunch of them, and I always like to flip through the pages when I find them. Most of them are barely used, as was the case with this one. Of the little writing in there, there was something super significant. I came across a poem Sean wrote:
A Poem Found
No matter how much I slumber When I wake I still wonder Is today when I give up And let fate pull my number? I hope for the best Yet I only get the worst I almost envy my lost friends Riding peacefully in a hearse Though my effort may seem slim I find the more I try the less I win I constantly blame myself for this hell we’re living in Everyday my heart breaks for what I put you through I overwhelm myself and let my sadness brew I keep it pushed down And my head underground Wishing each and every morning That I won’t see you frown Yet time and time again I constantly let you down I can’t hope for you to believe That I’m trying to turn a new leaf To keep you with me And try harder to succeed In the future I see us together Until that last breath that I breathe I know it depends on my ability To change my lazy ways I know your heart may sway If this continues on this path But my heart and mind know My actions in your eyes last - Sean William Michael
So, I’m obviously biased, but the beauty, depth, and emotion in that poem brought tears to my eyes. Based on the notebook and just our general timeline, I’m guessing this was written at some point in early 2018. That was one of the hardest times in both of our lives, separately and together. I don’t want to get too much into it though because we got through it and that’s what matters. Reading this poem reminded me of how hard things were for a bit, but the love we still shared for each other even though we were both struggling. I think back on some of that time, and I feel that on some of those hard days our love was at its deepest.
I just want to remark on how well Mr. Sean William Michael commanded those words in that poem above. On that note, I want to share how he also didn’t need to use as many words to create a poem with emotion. The poem below was something he wrote with the little word magnets on our fridge:
Almost always love is tremendously beautiful She is a sweet aroma And I am awful smoke - Sean William Michael
When I found that on the fridge, I was blown away with how elegant he was with such a small selection of and amount of words. I was also a bit jealous because what I had written on the fridge was nowhere near as good. What I wrote was a joke and the complete opposite of how refined his was. I really wish I had more of his writing to share, especially things on a lighter note, as I know these two aren’t very sunny. While Sean was often a very cheery guy, he did have periods of depression like I do, and that’s when he would turn to writing. I hope to come across more of what he wrote as I continue to clean.
I also shared this poem with my friend Gina and she said it reminded her of a painting by Edvard Munch called “Separation.” I have to agree and the name just feels so fitting as well. Personally, I feel Sean’s poems could all have a beautiful accompanying work of art with them. I also think he should be in the Academy of American Poets.
Now for something a little more lighthearted, I’ll share the literary art I left on the fridge. I also share this because my having written something on the fridge is what prompted Sean to do so. I think once you read it, you’ll realize why I was jealous of Sean’s refrigerator poetry. First, I will say the goodbye letter I wrote to Sean was a bit more eloquent, if you want to check out some of my real writing. My fridge poem, however, is vulgar and just all around horrible, but it might make you laugh? I’m not sure, I might take it out of this post. Please let me know if you think I should. NSFW:
The Meaty Mouth Adventure Recipe
Hungerly tongue lick moist mushroom head Crave & devour up the raw wiener bone Linger deep Soon will swallow succulent cream sauce Slurp - Liz Kay
I’m sure you can now see why my immature self is a bit jealous of Sean’s prose. Anyways, have a great weekend!
I think Seans poems were beautiful. I agree with you, a lot of depth and emotion attached to them. It is clear he is in a dark place and I am taking from it, he feels he is pulling you down with him. I took it to be he was suicidal innhis darkest moments, but perhaps not ‘brave’ enough to go through with it, and he seemed envious of friends already gone. There was a clear message that he felt worthless and perhaps not worthy of you and your love. Although, in good days, he very much wanted to be with you. The fridge poems – again, Seans was punchy. Short sweet and pow. Loved it, but again puts you on a pedestal and places him self well below you. You are this beautiful aroma and he is ‘awful smoke’. Smoke is dirty, annoying, and lingers even when unwanted. I think he had serious self doubt issues on how he viewed himself and he gives a clear indication where he sees himself not only in the relationship but in the world. It is sad but beautiful writing. Yours – saucy. No pun intended. Very ‘oral’. It is also a very clever way to divulge to many a very intimate part of your relationship, without spelling it out what it is actually about. It is quirky and I liked it.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, I really appreciated hearing them, especially your feelings on Sean’s words. 💙
By the way, is your name actually Elizabeth Kearney?
Yes. I wondered if that was yours too!
That first poem by Sean was beautiful. Even without knowing him at all I feel like I could understand exactly what he was trying to convey. Those poems seem like a great way to remember him by. Thank you for sharing and hope you have a great weekend ❤
Thank you for reading it and sharing your thoughts; I’m glad that’s what you got out of it. Wishing you a wonderful weekend! 💙
Those were beautiful Liz.