December 31, 2020

The loss of an amazing man, my Pappou.

Thank goodness it’s New Year’s Eve. I think it’s pretty safe for me to say that this has been the worst year of my life so far… it’s just been – I can’t even begin to describe how bad this year has been for me, and I know I’m not alone in having had a bad 2020. So I am just so ready for it to be over, even though the change of the year is just an arbitrary change of numbers, but that still kind of means something symbolically. (Yes, yes, I know that it means the Earth has once again circled the sun, but I’m talking about the value humans have ascribed to the calendar year).

I know I haven’t been posting much lately, I’m sorry. I’ve been in a bit of a depressive funk already – just kind of a bipolar low – but unfortunately it had to get worse than just that: my beloved Pappou (“pappou” is Greek for “grandfather”) passed away due to COVID.  He is yet another one in the statistics of the staggering amounts of loved ones whom COVID has taken from their families, friends, lovers, community, world.

My Pappou, who went by Sam to most, is one of the very most important people in my life, a personal idol, and was a very large and formative part of my whole life. While my parents were working hard to make sure my family was taken care of in terms of needs, my Pappou was working hard to make sure we were taken care of while they worked. One memory that came to mind just now is when Pappou would pick me up from school, which he did the majority of my life. He’d try to get there as early as possible to be towards the front of the line – VIP style.  He’d always change the radio station when I got in the car to DC 101.1 for me and wouldn’t mind if I stuck my feet out the windows while he drove, haha. I always sing along (poorly) to music and know almost all the words to so so many songs, and I remember he would always remark about how if only I could retain school knowledge like that. (I tried to do something like that when studying sometimes, but it didn’t work out too well for me).  I cannot believe he is now gone too; my heart broke again on Sunday.  The worst part was that he was scheduled to receive the vaccine on Monday.

Now for radical gratitude: the universe did grant us one small yet big mercy though – we were able to video chat Pappou on Christmas. He seemed to be in as good as spirits as one could possibly be, given the fact that he was in the hospital, with COVID, on Christmas (I don’t think I’ve ever had a Christmas without Pappou being there before). I got to tell him merry Christmas and that I loved him so much one last time.  While I couldn’t hear what he was trying to say back, I did get a big Pappou smile. =]

So this now makes two of the very most important people in my life who have passed on this year. I’m still on the fence about what comes after life, but we never informed Pappou that Sean had passed away. I hope that if there is an afterlife, after Pappou reconnected with Yia Yia and all his other family members, he was able to see my Sean and give him one of his handshakes that always impressed Sean.

On top of the tragic losses, there’s just been a whole lot of negativity this year and I’m ready for that to be purged. Maybe I’ll even try some of these suggestions on top of regular deep cleaning.  I need release.  I need good vibes. Might as well try out anything that’s said to bring better and/or healing energy.

ANYWAYS – I just wanted to kind of touch base and wish everyone a Happy New Year!  May 2021 bring us all far better days than this year sure did.